This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! I will rejoice and be glad!
And here we go again…
In August of 2012 I left my husband. We were separated for almost seven months. During our time apart many things happened and changes took place. We had a lot of ups and a lot of downs but through it all I tried to hold fast to my faith and trust in God to work things out for us. I went to counseling and leaned heavily on the support of my family and friends.
Mike and I slowly began to rebuild our relationship. We sought after Christ together and prayed together. We prayed when we were apart. Sometimes he had to pray for me. Sometimes I had to pray for him. Just when I thought all was lost God brought us back together.
On March 1, 2013 we merged our homes and hearts again as one family. Things are not perfect but I know that with God all things are possible if we just believe Him. I’ve learned that God is faithful always even when we fail Him, He never fails us!
A work in progress…
At Jacob’s Well Ministries
Someone That I Used to Loved
Natalie Cole summed up exactly how I feel today in a beautiful way.
I thought I was Mrs. Right
Our eight year reign came to a halt
When you told me she’s having your child
Then you told me how it was all my fault
If I’d only stuck around for a while
You forgot all the times you came home late
While I waited all night patiently
You forgot the time that I was right there
When your job told they were setting you free
You forgot who was beside you when times got rough
You forgot when you fell, how I lifted you up
How was I wrong when all I ever did was love you
How was I wrong when I was always by your side
How was I wrong when all I ever wanted was
Just to be your Mrs. Right, for the rest of my life
The tears ran down my face as I drove away
My poor hear was just breaking in two
Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore
You called me to say I still love you
Every night you text me saying how much you miss me
But then you tell me that you’re falling in love with her too
How much more do you want to hurt me
How much more pain will you cause me
I’m losing my mind, please just let me be
How was I wrong when all I ever did was love you
How was I wrong when I was always by your side
How was I wrong when all I ever wanted was
Just to be your Mrs. Right, for the rest of my life
This pain is just too much for me to carry
I can’t go on like this anymore
Let me go so I can finally move on
Now I can see that I was never your Mrs. Right
So please let me go without more lies or a fight
How was I wrong when all I ever did was love you
How was I wrong when I was always by your side
How was I wrong when all I ever wanted was
Just to be your Mrs. Right, for the rest of my life
From the Skillet to the Fire
This is one of those days when I feel like I have leaped right out of the skillet and straight into the fire. I realize that everyday won’t be this way but today and yesterday have really been bitter pills for me to swallow.
It’s been one month, one week and four days since I walked away from a deteriorating marriage and into a shelter. I don’t regret the move because I feel like I had to do what I felt was best for my children as well as to preserve my own self-worth. It took a great deal of moxie for me to finally gain the courage to let go of what started out as a dream but was turning into a nightmare.
There are times when I feel frightened because I’m not sure what the future holds (but who, besides God, does??), I get lonely, and there are even times I get down-right angry. I feel like this just isn’t fair. I’m a good person so why does like keep crapping on me??? There comes days like yesterday and today when I feel like I took a running leap right out of the frying pan into a roaring fire! Living with others who have come out of similar situations or have arrived seeking shelter for reasons of their own can be a trial in and of itself. It’s extremely hard to go from complete autonomy and independence to having to rely on others to provide shelter, food and even comfort sometimes. I don’t want to appear ungrateful or ungracious towards those that have reached out to help me but sometimes it is hard when everything has to be shared and privacy is almost a commodity and is rare.
I find myself questioning God, why did I leave? Is it suppose to be this hard trying to make a better life for me and the children? Would it have been so hard for me to try to work things out back at home? Now, I’m not going to put words in God’s mouth, but every time I ask these questions I get the same feeling–and it’s not “Child go back!”
Every time one door has closed God has been faithful in opening bigger and better doors leading me to where He wants me to go.
I’m going to end this post with a scripture that comes to mind:
Phil 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (ESV)
Forgiving and being forgiven…
Everybody hurts sometimes.
We sometimes end up hurting the very one we have stood before God and promised to love, cherish, honor, and forsake all others for. The hardest words in the English language can be, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Can you forgive me?”. Admitting you’re wrong takes real strength and real courage. But if you truly love him/her you will do whatever it takes to show them just how much you do. Don’t let it be too late before you fix the problem. If God can send his son to Earth to take on our pain, suffering and sorrows to save us from the wages of sin is it really too hard for us to admit our wrongs and ask for forgiveness?
What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
In my own hurt and anger I caused my husband pain and hurt. I asked God for forgiveness but I knew that things could never be whole until I confessed to my husband and admitted my guilt. The pain and hurt I saw on my husband’s face made me feel so ashamed. I never wanted to see him look at me that way again. It has taken much prayer, guidance and God’s grace to see us through this trial but through God all things are possible.
I hope that through our story that God will use me to help someone else who may have lost their way. If we will just come to God and ask for His help he will give us strength to make it through anything!
If I can ever be of help in a time of crisis in your life please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’m willing to pray with you and talk with you if you need someone. May God bless you richly!
