My girlfriend and I broke up last Sunday. We agreed that we would be friends but do you know how hard it is to really be friends with someone who broke your heart? But I’m going to keep trying. That’s just what I do no matter what someone else has done to me, or how bad they hurt me, I manage to keep hanging on… somehow. I continue trying to maintain some semblance of a friendship.
Remaining friends with an ex can be quite a challenge. It can be especially hard when it’s someone you really loved. How do you let go of your hurt? How do you let go of past regrets? How do you know when it’s time to say goodbye?
I know it’s time to move on and I don’t know how to just yet. I realize that we will never be a couple again. Our circumstances are that neither of us can afford to move out on our own so we have to continue to live together and that makes it harder. I feel like we’re both stuck in a situation which is beyond our control and that makes things that much more difficult. Tonight I just want to cry.
My ex reads my blog and had issue with a few things that I wrote so I would l like to address her issues and also ask You the Reader for your opinion and/or advice regarding the matter.
Issue #1: I opened my blog with “my girlfriend and I broke up last Sunday. ” She pointed out that I broke up with her, WE didn’t break up. I purposely said that we broke up so as not to try to paint the break up in a negative view of her, but I was not purposely trying to be deceitful. I did break up with her but it was for several reasons. It was something that was said earlier that Sunday morning that led to my decision to finally end our relationship. Which brings me to the next issue that she has with my post.
Issue #2: I stated that she broke my heart. She took issue with me saying that she broke my heart considering the fact that I was the one who ended the relationship. In order to clarify why I felt heartbroken you need a little background information.
We have very differing views on what is acceptable or unacceptable when it comes to dealing with children. We were raised in very different households and how our families treated, rewarded, reared and dealt with children were drastically different. I’m not saying that one was right or one was wrong, they were just different and that’s alright with me. I was raised in a foster home and I was blessed to have a loving foster father who treated me like a princess. I could talk to my dad about any and everything without fear of being punished for my honesty. When I did get in trouble my father never used profanity as a way to make me behave. He told me what I did wrong, why it was wrong and the punishment fit the crime. I use the same principles when dealing with my own children.
I allow my children to express their opinions, talk to me about any and everything so long as they’re respectful to me. They are in no way little angels and they make mistakes but I never allow them to be ugly or disrespectful towards me or anyone- Ever!
My youngest daughter is the only child left at home. She has ADHD among other issues and I’ll be the first to admit that she is a bundle of boundless energy and is extremely talkative and she can be quite a handful. She can be stubborn, hard-headed and has what I jokingly refer to as selective hearing. She is also very loving, affectionate and has a passion for life that’s infectious.
Saturday night I was speaking to her and asking her to do something and she was utilizing her “selective hearing” to the fullest and it was making my ex furious. My ex snapped at her and words that included the use of profanity were said. My grandmother, whom we currently reside with, and my uncle overheard what was said and came barging in and not so gently exchanged words with my ex about how she had addressed my daughter. I was upset but I wanted to address my ex after my daughter was out of hearing range. I didn’t even get a chance before the elders “came to my daughter’s defense”.
That was the start of the rapid decline of our relationship. The clincher was what my ex said Sunday morning that “broke my heart”. In anger she told me that she couldn’t stand my daughter. That hurt me so deeply that I could not recover from it. That was the statement she later apologized for and I did forgive (although never forget) but the damage was already done and I knew that I would never be able to look at my ex the same and not unhear those painful words that were spoken in anger.
Issue #3: I also said that I “loved” her- using the past tense. I should have said “love” because I admit that I haven’t stopped loving her just because we’re over. Perhaps with time my romantic love will change to a platonic friendship kind of love.
So dear Readers, am I wrong to feel broken-hearted by the turn of events that led to me breaking up with her? Was I too hasty in my decision to throw our relationship away over words that were spoken in haste and anger? I would love to hear your feedback, opinions and advice.