In Real Life…

I laugh and smile to hide my pain. I find all the right words to say to you. I say everything is just fine and I’m ok.

I may just be an ex to you, or just your friend now and occasionally your fuck buddy, But it’s so much deeper than that for me.
You say that you know I love you but I’m not in love with you and that’s just not true. I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you. I love you so much more than you could ever possibly know. You know how deep your feelings run for JA and how you feel like you just can’t give up on her because you feel so strongly that she’s the one for you? That’s just how I feel about you. Unlike you though, I acknowledge that you don’t feel the same way about me. It hurts like hell to know the one person I feel so deeply connected to and love so very much does not have the same feelings for me.
I hold on to our friendship and do all that I can to try to show you that I care and be there for you. I make sacrifices for you because I don’t want to see you fail or be without. I do a lot of things for you- all because I love you.
I want you to be happy. I never want to hurt you or see you hurt. It breaks my heart to see you being heart-broken by another’s rejection. But I will honor your wishes to just be your friend because I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in it at all. I just thought I’d be honest with you since you’re always asking me what’s wrong and why I look so sad. Too bad I may never actually tell you IRL.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Tikeetha T says:

    Ooh, you should say something. I’ve been there sis. With my first love. I couldn’t let him go. But, let me tell you…when I did. Pure happiness. I was holding on the memory of who he was and what I wanted him to be. When I let him go I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted or needed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kissing Fish says:

      I did go ahead and actually sent it to her. True to form she hasn’t replied or acknowledged even receiving it. I would have said it face to face but things always seem to go awry when we’re near each other. I guess that’s a sign in and of itself. I’m just glad I got it off my chest. I feel better regardless. 😊

      Liked by 2 people

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