Happy

I met someone. It’s exciting and feels like a breath of fresh air. At the same time it’s scary. I’ve been hurt so significantly so many, many times and I don’t want to drag the negativity of my past into my future. For the first time in a long time I feel happy. Every time we talk I get all giddy and silly. Every time we kiss it feels so right! It just feels so amazing to have someone look at me and really see, I mean really SEE ME! It feels so wonderful to have someone who sees all my flaws, imperfections, disabilities and still want to be with me simply because of who I am.

For the first time I don’t care what other people might think of me. All I care is that I be the best me for This relationship. Things that happened in the past is just that-in the past. The past will never hold me back again. I am ok just the way God created me.

This may not be the beginning of some story book romance but it is the start of something special, wonderful, and new. I’m so eager to see where it will lead. I want to give of myself completely without fear of how things might proceed. Nothing and nobody is perfect. I’m going to throw precaution to the wind and I’m going for it with gusto! I finally realize that I deserve to be happy. It’s perfectly natural to desire happiness for one’s self and that no it isn’t selfish. It’s human nature. God doesn’t want to see His children feeling lonely, sad and blue. He knew that we needed companionship and made a special someone just for us. I’m am happy.

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Coming Home

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The first  time I ever heard this song was in the movie “Country Strong.”  I teared up and I was moved beyond words!  At the time I did not have a place to call home so the words conjured up memories of a place that I had once had that I called home.  It brought to mind the times that I felt loved and sheltered and there was always a welcoming and warm atmosphere in the house where I grew up as a child.

Not everyone has a place that they can call home.  When you have moved around as much as I have and have felt the pangs of loneliness and the heartbreak of homelessness it means the world to you when you finally do find that place that you feel comfortable enough to call home.

Coming Home

It’s a four letter word
A place you go to heal your hurt
It’s an altar, it’s a shelter
One place you’re always welcome
A pink flamingo, double wide
One bedroom in a high rise
A mansion on a hill
Where the memories always will
Keep you company whenever you’re alone
After all of my running
I’m finally coming

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running,
I’m finally coming… Home

Well they say it’s where the heart is
And I guess the hardest part is
When your heart is broken
And you’re lost out in the great wide open
Looking for a map
For finding your way back
To where you belong
Oh well that’s where I belong

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

Home

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running, I’m finally coming…
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

It’s a four letter word
A place you go to heal your hurt
It’s an altar, it’s a shelter
One place you’re always welcome
A pink flamingo, double wide
One bedroom in a high rise
A mansion on a hill
Where the memories always will
Keep you company whenever you’re alone
After all of my running
I’m finally coming

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running,
I’m finally coming… Home

Well they say it’s where the heart is
And I guess the hardest part is
When your heart is broken
And you’re lost out in the great wide open
Looking for a map
For finding your way back
To where you belong
Oh well that’s where I belong

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

Home

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running, I’m finally coming…
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

Writer(s): Hillary Lindsey, Troy Verges, Tom Douglas, Hillary Lindsay, Bob Dipiero
Copyright: Songs From The Engine Room, Sony/ATV Tree Publishing, BMG Gold Songs, Songs Of Universal Inc., Colpix Music Inc., Tomdouglasmusic, Love Monkey Music

Soar Like an Eagle

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Isaiah 40:31- But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. NLT
It is never easy for me to wait for people, for circumstances to change, for a taxi cab- I don’t like to wait for anything.  So when I pray I expect God to move like RIGHT NOW!  But God is not a magician and shame on me for sometimes treating Him as such.  He doesn’t always come when we want Him to but there is always a reason for it.  Sometimes we simply aren’t ready to receive whatever He has in store for us just yet.  Sometimes it is simply not in His will for us to have whatever it is we are praying for.

I am learning to wait patiently on the Lord and to trust in Him completely.  When I wait on Him, He gives me the strength I need to wait it out whatever the prayer or circumstances are.  He renews my strength daily so that I can run and not get tired or weary and I can walk in faith and not faint. God gives me the strength I need and with His power I can soar on wings like an eagle through every trial and tribulation.

Fed Up

May 2015

Congressman Barry Loudermilk
238 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515

135 West Cherokee Street

Cartersville, GA  30120

Dear Congressman Loudermilk:

REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE

SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY CLAIM for Mary Ann Bryant SS#: xxx-xx-xxxx

I am writing you about my situation which is in dire straits right now. I am from a large family and normally I am the one who is reaching out a helping hand but this time I am the one who is hurting and needs assistance. I am writing for your assistance. Most members of my family are life-long residents of Bartow County, Georgia, and we grew up in Cartersville.  I have worked mostly in the healthcare industry in one form or another since I was eighteen years old.  My late father retired from the US Military after years of service. My older brother is a minister and is currently also working as a surveyor for Bartow County. My younger brother has spent many years working as an assistant manager for Subway.  My oldest sister is a high school principal in North Carolina.  My second oldest sister works for the city of Atlanta. My point is that most everyone in my family, including my teenage children as well as adult nieces, nephews, and cousins, aunts and uncles are hard-working upstanding individuals. I was, too, however, I am now disabled with so many health problems that I have been unable to work for quite some time.

My name is Mary Ann.  Listed below are a few statistics about me:
• Address: , ## Street, City, St 00000
• Telephone: 123-456-7890
• Social Security No.: xxx-xx-xxxx
• Date of Birth: xx/xx/xx
• Marital Status: Separated and no children together (Husband lives in Cartersville but I left because of domestic violence).
• Children: One 18 year old daughter who is currently a junior at Cass High School (she gets survivors benefits-father is deceased); one son who is 19 years old and works menial jobs through temp agencies; and one 11 year old daughter who is a 6th grade student at Cass Middle School.
• Work History: I worked as a CNA from age 18 up until age 26, after that a Customer Service Representative for electronic medical records retrieval company, a Wal-Mart Cashier, a Wal-Mart Pharmacy Technician, and a Home Health Care Aide.

Other personal information:

• My son has a hard time holding down a job because he often has to stay at home and help take care of me since I cannot afford to have a home health aide. My son also assists with some of my “not-too-personal” grooming needs when I’m hurting too bad (putting on I shoes, etc.), does the grocery shopping (while I rides in a motorized cart if the store has one, if not then I use my Rollator Walker), gets the mail in, does light housework (such as dusting, vacuuming, taking out trash, etc.), helps with cooking, laundry, and goes with me to almost all of my doctor appointments.

• I have not had a source of income except for the $619/month from the Survivors Benefit that I use to get from Social Security.  My daughter turned 18 and the check now goes directly to her and her needs take the majority of the check and the rest goes to my cousin who we are living with, to help with her bills. I cannot pay my own bills and raise my children on that.

• We are living with my cousin, her husband, and their son. We stay in the lower quarters by the garage sleeping with three of us on one mattress and one on another set of mattresses.  I do not own a vehicle anymore and complete dependant on borrowing others’ cars so that my son can take me to my doctor appointments. But I have no money to pay my family back for letting us use their cars.
•Other relatives sometimes helps pay my co-pays and medication costs and helping me out on an as-needed monthly basis, when there might be a little bit of extra money.  Some churches have helped with school supplies, clothing, and food over the past few years that I haven’t been able to work.

  • Just a thought between all of this info: We stay with relatives but it’s very stressful and the tension is enough that we really need to get out as soon as possible. I don’t have a car of my own and how am I supposed to be able to afford to put gas in any car just to get to the grocery store and to my doctor’s appointments? What about shoes and clothes for my growing 11 year daughter? It would be nice if I were to be able to save a couple dollars a month just in case I had an emergency and needed a few dollars?

• I previously applied for social security disability (SSDI) two times and have been denied. The first application was around November 2013. Then, with my attorney, Matthew Queen’s help I appealed and was denied and finally was able to request a hearing and I’ve been waiting for my hearing ever since.
During all this time I completed all of the required forms, and had an appointment with a social security psychologist which got cancelled, but I did see one of their medical doctors to no avail.

My list of medical problems/symptoms include:
• Trigeminal Neuralgia which is also known as the suicide disease and is one of the most painful afflictions known to the medical practice.
• Shortness of Breath due to pulmonary hypertension.
• Fibromyalgia (which I’ve been told not to call it that because the disability judges frown on that diagnosis) causing me severe pain. Affected areas are neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, hands and fingers, lower back, hips, legs, knees, ankles, and feet. Pain is excruciating and incapacitating.
• Joint Pain and Stiffness from the “fibromyalgia” that causes great stiffness and soreness in addition to the pain.
• Muscle Pain. This burning, gnawing, aching pain affects every muscle in my body.
• Sleep Apnea and Inability to Sleep. I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, trouble breathing while lying in bed; Pain wakes me up when she does finally fall asleep and must toss and turn to find a position not painful. Hard to stay awake and concentrate the following day due to not enough quality sleep. My sleep apnea (stops breathing periodically when asleep) makes it difficult to get restful but I don’t have a CPAP breathing machine and oxygen because Wellcare of Georgia Medicaid determined that I don’t have enough stop breathing episodes to qualify for a machine.
• Inability to Walk and Stand for extended periods of time so I use a Rollator Walker 90% of the time. Can only walk a few steps at a time and cannot stand more than 5 minutes at a time due to lower back problems and sciatica that makes my back, thighs, legs and feet burn.
• Cognitive Dysfunction, inability to concentrate, trouble with short-term and long-term memory,  head feels so fuzzy all of the time that I do not drive much times-my brain feels as fatigued as my body.
• Depression.
• Anxiety.
• Occasional Urinary Incontinence (I’ve had bladder surgery but I still have trouble sometimes with urinary urgency and incontinence.
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome, constant diarrhea and constipation.
• Headaches, experiences migraine and tension headaches, which includes vomiting
• Morbid Obesity.
• Acid Reflux, constant heartburn, stomach burning, and nausea.
• I take lots of medications including: Gabapentin, Baclofen, Tramadol, Lyrica, Losartan, Metoprolol, Lidocaine cream, Vistaril, Ventolin, Ranitidine,

  • My surgical history includes: (1) Hysterectomy and bladder tack (2013), (2) ;Bilateral Carpal Tunnel Repair (2015), (3) two caudal epidural spinal injections for pain block in 03/15 and 04/15; (4) Right Inguinal Hernia Repair (early 2000s), and I have shoulder surgery coming up on May 13 this year.

As you can see from the list of my ailments above, Congressman Loudermilk, I am sick and unable to work. I am only 38 years old and I have worked all of my life, until my health started failing me a few years ago.

I am desperate. I NEED HELP NOW!!!!
I don’t receive much in food stamps and there isn’t much in the way of income to help take care of youngest daughter. Our family isn’t able to help much as many of them are just barely making ends meet to take care of their own families. Soon my kids and I will be looking for room in a homeless shelter because our living conditions are making my asthmatic children very sick.  I didn’t ask for this but I am truly disabled, and am deserving of social security disability benefits.

CAN YOU CONTACT THE SOCIAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION AND EXPEDITE MY DISABILITY CLAIM? My claim number is #______________.

Once I am approved by SSDI, will I be able to keep getting food stamps and Medicaid – since I probably would not be eligible for Medicare? As ill as I am, and as many doctors that I must see on a continuing basis, I desperately needs the Medicaid and cannot afford to pay for private insurance.

I have become so depressed. It pains me for my children to see me this way and to not be able to afford for them even the simple basic necessities sometimes. My church and a few of our family members, pray for me daily. We do not know where else to turn. Please help us with this problem. I am sending a copy of this letter to Representative Paul Battle, since he is also from Bartow County, as well as Governor Nathan Deal. Maybe they, too, will see the importance of the Social Security Administration expediting their claims and what a bind a lot of former hard-working Georgians end up in when they are legitimately not able to work due to their health.
I apologize for the length of this letter, but I felt it was important for you to know all of the information you could about my case in order that you may be able to better help me.

Respectfully,

Mary A. Bryant

cc:

Representative Paul Battle

District Office:
208 Rd. #2, S.W., Cartersville, GA  30120

Office of the Governor, Nathan Deal

06 Washington Street

111 State Capitol
Atlanta, Georgia 30334

Read My Junk

When I first started blogging I was so pumped up and full of ideas.  I just knew that if I wrote it the masses would read it.  I have always thought myself to be a fairly decent writer but blogging is absolutely nothing like I thought it would be.  I just suddenly came down with a case of writer’s block.  I’ve had it for quite some time now.  I don’t know what the cure is.

If anyone has the cure for writer’s block please comment on this post and let me know the secret.  I won’t tell.  Seriously!  It’ll just be our little secret.

Now, how can I get more people to start reading my junk?  Quite personally I think it’s rather fabulous but maybe I’m disillusioned… Or maybe just plain old delusional.  Either way, I would like to get more people interested in reading my junk.  I have always wanted to be a great writer that people would talk about long after I’m gone to glory. (sigh)

But here’s looking on the bright side. No matter what I talk about I know some wonderful young fans who adore me and love me unconditionally will always be cheering me on and reading my junk.

Now, darling readers, is there some particular topic that you would like for me to discuss?  I’d be happy to investigate or whatever I have to do to research your questions carefully so that I can cater to my lovely audience and give you what you deserve-your answer and my blog!

So, thank you, for reading my junk!

Me and my biggest fans!

Me and my biggest fans!

Ch-ch-ch-Changes…

I never thought that I would see the day when my happy little bubbly world that I called my life would come crashing in around me so rapidly.  It’s seems to be falling apart faster than when the space shuttle Challenger went ka-boom!  One day I was married, maybe not always happily, but I was married none-the-less. The next thing I know here we are haranguing before the judge hoping that this divorce ends as rapidly as the marriage started.

I try to remain civil but sometimes I wish it that the law would allow me to literally throw people under a fast-moving freight train. Since no court will ever approve of that I guess I will have to remain steadfast and wait for this hurricane to eventually blow over.  Some days it seems as if I’m just an innocent bystander watching some poor, pitiful woman going through misery and heartache and I feel so sorry for her.  The I take a good look in the mirror and see that yes, indeed it is me.  I am that poor, pitiful looking woman.  That’s when I try to fortify myself with scripture and good preaching to help me lift my head up and throw my shoulders back and march on like a good soldier.  It’s not always easy but I refuse to bow down in defeat.

It’s time for some changes.  I am determined to get back up and make some big time changes in my life.  I know that with God I can do all things because He gives me strength.  He’s the Rock on which I stand.  I’ve got victory over the enemy and the world (and my soon to be Ex) can’t do me any harm!!!  Praise God!

I’m starting right here right now with those changes.  I will not stand and face that looking-glass and nit pick over the flaws that I think I see.  I will see myself for who I really am-a child of the King!  I will love myself because God loves me.  If He can love me, who am I to not love myself?  He made me in His image therefore I am beautiful!  I will hold my head up high and give thanks for all the Lord Almighty has brought me through!  I may not see it now but I have the victory. I am not a victim but a VICTOR!

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