Anxiety by Willow-Anne

They Call Me Tater Bug!:

Ever felt this way?

Originally posted on Ordinary girl's peculiar blog:

Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I’m drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don’t belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There’s too much I just can’t mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I’ll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I’m awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come

View original 22 more words

Hurt

I have always tried to be a good citizen, a friend to the friendless, and a good Christian. I have never wanted to deliberately hurt a soul. I am not the confrontational type either. Yet, I continue to find myself getting hurt by the very ones that I truly care about again and again. Is it because I’m just too gullible, trusting or naive? I don’t know. I really don’t know. Perhaps I just expect too much of people. I love too hard and I give way too much of myself. I’m worn out physically trying to push my body so that I can please people. My heart has just been pushed almost to the limit. Sometimes I feel my heart racing away and thumping in my chest like a thoroughbred on the race track. I break out in a cold sweat because of all the anxiety and fear that’s built up in me. I’m so afraid that I’m going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. It hurts living like this. It’s lonely and sad. I never feel like I’m truly home and I feel like it’s just a matter of time before I have no where left to go. I grew up feeling like the unwanted child now as an adult I still feel unwanted. If it weren’t for God and my children I just might have considered giving up on life. There’s just nothing like hurt to make a grown woman feel like that unwanted child all over again.

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Self-doubt comes a calling

I have days when I’m just bursting at the seams with self confidence. Then days like yesterday and apparently today that I’m just falling to pieces and brimming with self doubt.

I don’t know how to kick this awful feeling. I want to isolate myself and make sure nobody can ever hurt me again. I don’t want to get out of this bed. I don’t want to be sociable. My inward reflection only leaves me feeling full of self doubt and questioning my every decision that resulted in failed relationships. Did I do something wrong? What did I do? Was it something I said?

Stop the world. I wanna get off–author unknown (and probably feeling depressed)

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Coming Home

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The first  time I ever heard this song was in the movie “Country Strong.”  I teared up and I was moved beyond words!  At the time I did not have a place to call home so the words conjured up memories of a place that I had once had that I called home.  It brought to mind the times that I felt loved and sheltered and there was always a welcoming and warm atmosphere in the house where I grew up as a child.

Not everyone has a place that they can call home.  When you have moved around as much as I have and have felt the pangs of loneliness and the heartbreak of homelessness it means the world to you when you finally do find that place that you feel comfortable enough to call home.

Coming Home

It’s a four letter word
A place you go to heal your hurt
It’s an altar, it’s a shelter
One place you’re always welcome
A pink flamingo, double wide
One bedroom in a high rise
A mansion on a hill
Where the memories always will
Keep you company whenever you’re alone
After all of my running
I’m finally coming

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running,
I’m finally coming… Home

Well they say it’s where the heart is
And I guess the hardest part is
When your heart is broken
And you’re lost out in the great wide open
Looking for a map
For finding your way back
To where you belong
Oh well that’s where I belong

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

Home

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running, I’m finally coming…
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

It’s a four letter word
A place you go to heal your hurt
It’s an altar, it’s a shelter
One place you’re always welcome
A pink flamingo, double wide
One bedroom in a high rise
A mansion on a hill
Where the memories always will
Keep you company whenever you’re alone
After all of my running
I’m finally coming

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running,
I’m finally coming… Home

Well they say it’s where the heart is
And I guess the hardest part is
When your heart is broken
And you’re lost out in the great wide open
Looking for a map
For finding your way back
To where you belong
Oh well that’s where I belong

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

Home

Home – the world tried to break me
I found a road to take me
Home – there ain’t nothing but a blue sky now
After all of my running, I’m finally coming…
After all of my running
I’m finally coming… Home

Writer(s): Hillary Lindsey, Troy Verges, Tom Douglas, Hillary Lindsay, Bob Dipiero
Copyright: Songs From The Engine Room, Sony/ATV Tree Publishing, BMG Gold Songs, Songs Of Universal Inc., Colpix Music Inc., Tomdouglasmusic, Love Monkey Music

Soar Like an Eagle

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Isaiah 40:31- But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. NLT
It is never easy for me to wait for people, for circumstances to change, for a taxi cab- I don’t like to wait for anything.  So when I pray I expect God to move like RIGHT NOW!  But God is not a magician and shame on me for sometimes treating Him as such.  He doesn’t always come when we want Him to but there is always a reason for it.  Sometimes we simply aren’t ready to receive whatever He has in store for us just yet.  Sometimes it is simply not in His will for us to have whatever it is we are praying for.

I am learning to wait patiently on the Lord and to trust in Him completely.  When I wait on Him, He gives me the strength I need to wait it out whatever the prayer or circumstances are.  He renews my strength daily so that I can run and not get tired or weary and I can walk in faith and not faint. God gives me the strength I need and with His power I can soar on wings like an eagle through every trial and tribulation.